My Birthday

On Monday, October 5th, I turned 45 years old. For the reasons detailed in the last three posts, I consider that something of a milestone. Honestly, I never thought I would make it out of my thirties.

For the most part, my life is good, and I feel pretty good, in many ways better than I have in a long time.

I celebrated my birthday a day early, on Sunday the 4th, since Monday I had school from 8AM til 2:30PM and worked from 3:00PM til 11:00PM. My daughter SheilBea arrived at my house late on Saturday night, so that made for a good start to the weekend. She is a teenager now and her schedule is full with academics, cheerleading, coaching, and social events. We don't spend as much time together as we once did -- or nearly as much as I would prefer -- but I understand that she is growing up so I cherish the moments we do have; it's quality rather than quantity these days. The hardest part of being a divorced, single father has always been the time I have forfeited with my daughter; it is time that I can never recover. We are close, my SheilBea and me, and for that I am grateful. At the very least, we talk by phone nearly every day.

SheilBea brought me a birthday present: the 2-disc, widescreen special edition DVD (she knows me so well)of "X-Men Origins: Wolverine." I am a huge comic book and movie fan ... and while Spider-Man has really been my guy since I was old enough to know what comic books were, I am a fan of most things Marvel. SheilBea, on the other hand, is a fan of Hugh Jackman ... and not necessarily for his talent as an actor. How the hell did my baby girl get old enough to notice things like Hugh Jackman's butt? Wasn't it just yesterday that I was changing her diapers? Where did the time go?

That night we watched the movie together, until she got too tired to stay awake. Earlier in the day she had accompanied the junior girls cheerleading squad that she coaches to a competition in Wayne county. Last year, before she took over coaching responsibilities, the team had received a very respectable "Honorable Mention"; this year under her guidance, however, they brought home three trophies! She was as proud of "her girls" as I am of mine.

After she went to bed, I stayed up for awhile, studied a bit for school, washed a few dishes and watched another movie ("Redbelt") until I, too, finally nodded off around 2:00AM.

The next day started with a trip to the store with Theo to pick up a few things for my birthday dinner. Even though she and I are no longer involved -- at least for now :-) -- we remain best friends. She is an incredible cook -- no exaggeration, she could be a professional --and every year on my birthday for as long as we were together she would cook the meal of my choice. Some years were gourmet surprises, others were homestyle foods. This year I opted for ribs. Normally, during the week, I eat a very healthy diet -- alot of salads, heavy on the vegetables, low in saturated fats, and only rarely red meat. I usually allow myself one day each weekend as a "free day" -- a day to eat whatever I want without guilt. Well whattya know! My birthday celebration fell on a weekend! So we did ribs on the grill with sides of asparagus and spaghetti squash (both buttered!!) and a thick, rich peanut butter pie instead of a traditional cake. I am a sucker for peanut butter so I made sure to not only leave plenty of room for a big piece, but to take any leftovers home with me!

All in all it was a very good day. I got to spend it with the people I love the most -- SheilBea, Theo, Molly & Colleen -- had a terrific dinner, and got a really cool gift.

Why, then, after all of that, do I feel so goddamned old? 45 isn't old ... is it?